101 NFL Quotes

Funny Football Quotes from the NFL

NFL players and coaches are never at a loss for memorable quotes. From the inspirational words of Vince Lombardi to the career-threatening tirades of Jim Mora, thereu0092s never a dull moment in the National Football League.

Just check out this list of 101 fun quotes that Iu0092ve assembled from throughout the history of the sport. It was fun putting together this list, just remembering some of these wacky one-liners. How many do you remember?

101 Football Quotes

We’ll start out with a list of all-around football quotes. I also have quotes listed under several different categories: dumb, tough, drunk, conceited, life, quarterbacks, coaches and Vince Lombardi.

I know the first quote probably belongs on the dumb list, but it was too good to bury down the page. Hope you enjoy the quote lists.

  1. Football Quotes - 101 NFL Football Quotes u0093Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.u0094 (Joe Theismann)
  2. u0093Iu0092ve been big ever since I was little.u0094 (William u0093The Refrigeratoru0094 Perry)
  3. u0093I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first.u0094 (Saints RB George Rogers)
  4. u0093There will always be hope for our country as long as more people watch Monday Night Football than Friends.u0094 (Michael Logsdon)
  5. u0093Iu0092d catch a punt naked, in the snow, in Buffalo, for a chance to play in the NFL.u0094 (Steve Henderson)
  6. u0093He is the only man I ever saw who ran his own interference.u0094 (Steve Owen on Bronko Nagurski)
  7. u0093The reason women donu0092t play football is because eleven of them would never wear the same outfit in public.u0094 (Phyllis Diller)
  8. u0093I just wrap my arms around the whole backfield and peelu0092em one by one until I get to the ball carrier. Him, I keep.u0094 (DT Big Daddy Lipscomb on his tackling technique)
  9. u0093Distance running to a professional athlete in my day was five laps around the field. And you stopped each lap to take your pulse.u0094 (Lynn Swann)
  10. u0093I was the originator of smack. Some guys rattle with smack; with other guys it rolls right off their shoulders like nothing.u0094 (Deacon Jones)
  11. u0093Most football players are temperamental. Thatu0092s 90 percent temper and 10 percent mental.u0094 (Doug Plank, ex-Chicago Bears safety)
  12. u0093Rapport? You mean like, u0093You run as fast as you can, and Iu0092ll throw it as far as I can?u0094 (QB Jeff Kemp on his rapport with WR Jerry Rice)
  13. u0093Detroitu0092s so bad this year they might lose their bye week.u0094 (Dennis Miller)
  14. u0094Ransom notes.u0094 (Alex Karras, when asked what the most profitable type of writing was)
  15. u0093I always enjoy animal acts.u0094 (President Calvin Coolidge when asked if he wanted to meet the Chicago Bears)
  16. u0093Weu0092re as clean as any team. We wash our hands before we hit anybody.u0094 (Nate Newton)
  17. u0093Iu0092m a light eater. As soon as itu0092s light, I start to eat.u0094 (Art Donovan)
  18. u0093You donu0092t have to win it; just donu0092t lose it.u0094 (Linebacker Ray Lewis of the Ravens to quarterback Elvis Grbac)
  19. u0093I had pro offers from the Detroit Lions and Green Bay Packers, who were pretty hard up for linemen in those days. If I had gone into professional football the name Jerry Ford might have been a household word today.u0094 (President Gerald Ford)
  20. Dumb Football Quotes

  21. u0093Tom Landry is such a perfectionist that if he were married to Dolly Parton, heu0092d ask her to cook.u0094 (Don Meredith)
  22. u0093He couldnu0092t spell cat if you spotted him the C and the T.u0094 (Cowboyu0092s linebacker Thomas u0093Hollywoodu0094 Henderson on Terry Bradshawu0092s intellect)
  23. u0093I may be dumb, but Iu0092m not stupid.u0094 (Terry Bradshaw)
  24. u0093In Montana, they renamed a town after an all-time great, Joe Montana. Well, a town in Massachusetts changed their name to honor my guy Terry Bradshaw — Marblehead.u0094 (Howie Long)
  25. u0093I never graduated college, but I was only there for two terms – Trumanu0092s and Eisenhoweru0092s.u0094 (Alex Karras)
  26. u0093If defensive linemenu0092s IQs were 5 points lower, theyu0092d be geraniums.u0094 (Russ Francis)
  27. u0093People say Iu0092ll be drafted in the first round, maybe even higher.u0094 (Craig u0093Ironheadu0094 Heyward)
  28. u0093The NFL, like life, is full of idiots.u0094 (Randy Cross)
  29. Tough Football Quotes

  30. u0093My knees look like they lost a knife fight with a midget.u0094 (E.J. Holub on his 12 knee operations)
  31. u0093Youu0092re kind of numb after 50 shots to the head.u0094 (Jim Harbaugh
  32. u0093I donu0092t know what he has. A pulled groin. A hip flexor. I donu0092t know. A pulled something. I never pulled anything. You canu0092t pull fat.u0094 (Jets coach Bruce Coslet)
  33. u0093When you win, nothing hurts.u0094 (Joe Namath)
  34. u0093Pro football is like nuclear warfare. There are no winners, only survivors.u0094 (Frank Gifford)
  35. u0093Whatu0092s one more torpedo in a sinking ship?u0094 (Packers QB Lynn Dickey on why he was preparing to play despite numerous major career injuries)
  36. u0093If my mother put on a helmet and shoulder pads and a uniform that wasnu0092t the same as the one I was wearing, Iu0092d run her over if she was in my way. And I love my mother.u0094 (Bo Jackson
  37. u0093American football makes Rugby look like a Tupperware party.u0094 (Sue Lawley)
  38. u0093I like to believe that my best hits border on felonious assault.u0094 (Jack Tatum)
  39. u0093If youu0092re mad at your kid, you can either raise him to be a nose tackle or send him out to play on the freeway. Itu0092s about the same.u0094 (Bob Golic)
  40. u0093Speed, strength and the inability to register pain immediately.u0094 (WR Reggie Williams, on his greatest strength as a football player)
  41. u0093It is better to give a lick than receive one.u0094 (Bo Jackson)
  42. u0093I wouldnu0092t ever set out to hurt anyone deliberately unless it was important – like a league game.u0094 (Dick Butkus)
  43. u0093The Bears are so tough when they finish sacking the quarterback, they go after his family in the stands.u0094 (Tim Wrightman)
  44. u0093Iu0092d run over my own mother to win the Super Bowl.u0094 (Joe Jacoby)
  45. u0093To win, Iu0092d run over Joeu0092s mom, too.u0094 (Matt Millen, about Joe Jacoby’s mother)
  46. Drunk Football Quotes

  47. u0093We didnu0092t have steroids. If I wanted to get pumped up, I drank a case of beer.u0094 (Art Donovan)
  48. u0093When itu0092s third and ten, you can take the milk drinkers, and Iu0092ll take the whiskey drinkers every time.u0094 (Max McGee, former Packers receiver)
  49. u0093I wanna kiss you. I couldnu0092t care less about the team struggling. What we know is we can improve. Chad Pennington, our quarterback, missed the first part of the season, and we struggled. Weu0092re looking to next season. Weu0092re looking to make a noise now, andu0085I wanna kiss you!u0094 (Joe Namath to ESPN reporter Suzy Kolber)
  50. Conceited Football Quotes

  51. u0093I feel like Iu0092m the best, but youu0092re not going to get me to say that.u0094 (Jerry Rice)
  52. u0093A good back makes his own holes. Anybody can run where the holes are.u0094 (RB Joe Don Looney on his refusal to report to training camp and learn plays)
  53. u0093I love me some me.u0094 (Terrell Owens)
  54. Football Quotes for Life

  55. u0093Baseball is what we were. Football is what we have become.u0094 (Mary McGrory)
  56. u0093Maybe a good rule in life is never become too important to do your own laundry.u0094 (Barry Sanders)
  57. u0093The only thing I got out of football was the ability to work hard, and thatu0092s it.u0094 (Gale Sayers)
  58. u0093If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.u0094 (Erma Bombeck)
  59. u0093I learned that if you want to make it bad enough, no matter how bad it is, you can make it.u0094 (Gale Sayers)
  60. Quarterback Quotes

  61. u0093Whatu0092s the worst thing that can happen to a quarterback? He loses his confidence.u0094 (Terry Bradshaw)
  62. u0093Confidence is a very fragile thing.u0094 (Joe Montana)
  63. u0093Confidence doesnu0092t come out of nowhere. Itu0092s a result of somethingu0085hours and days and weeks and years of constant work and dedication.u0094 (Roger Staubach)
  64. u0093There is no defense against a perfect pass. I can throw the perfect pass.u0094 (Dan Marino)
  65. u0093I donu0092t know whether I prefer Astroturf to grass. I never smoked Astroturf.u0094 (Joe Namath)
  66. u0093In the long run, the cream always rises and the crap always sinks.u0094 (John Elway)
  67. u0093I normally run the 40-yard dash in 4.9, but when a 280-pound guy is chasing me, I run it in 4.6.u0094 (John Elway)
  68. u0093Now that Iu0092m retired, I want to say that all defensive linemen are sissies.u0094 (Dan Fouts)
  69. u0093Sure, the home-field is an advantage — but so is having a lot of talent.u0094 (Dan Marino)
  70. u0093Iu0092ve got news for you. Weu0092re gonna win the game. I guarantee it.u0094 (Joe Namath predicting a Super Bowl III victory)
  71. u0093It might have been the hardest hit I took all day.u0094 (Drew Brees after a Raiders fan hit him with a water bottle)
  72. Football Coaches Quotes

  73. u0093If youu0092re a pro coach, NFL stands for u0091Not for long.u0092u0094 (Jerry Glanville)
  74. u0093Well, what happened was, that second game, we got our asses kicked. In the second half, we just got our asses totally kicked. We couldnu0092t do diddley poo offensively, we couldnu0092t make a first down, we couldnu0092t run the ball, we didnu0092t try to run the ball, we couldnu0092t complete a pass – we sucked. The second half, we sucked. We couldn’t stop the run. Every time they got the ball, they went down and got points. We got our asses totally kicked in the second half – that’s what it boiled down to. It was a horseshit performance in the second half. Horseshit. Iu0092m totally embarrassed and totally ashamed. Coaching did a horrible job. The players did a horrible job. We got our asses kicked in that second half. It sucked. It stunk.u0094 (Jim Mora in one of the all-time classic post-game rants)
  75. u0093Itu0092s a good idea. Iu0092m in favor of it.u0094 (Buccaneeru0092s coach John McKay, following a loss, when asked about his teamu0092s execution)
  76. u0093Sure, luck means a lot in football. Not having a good quarterback is bad luck.u0094 (Don Shula describing an opposing team)
  77. u0093If I drop dead tomorrow, at least Iu0092ll know I died in good health.u0094 (Bum Phillips)
  78. u0093If I didnu0092t enjoy gloating so much, I wouldnu0092t do so many interviews.u0094 (Jimmy Johnson)
  79. u0093Iu0092m going to sent the injured reserve players out for the toss next time.u0094 (Colts coach Mike McCormack after a player pulled a hamstring while running out for the coin toss)
  80. u0093He can be a great player in this league if he learns how to say two words: u0091Iu0092m full.u0092u0094 (Jerry Glanville talking about 300-pound Lincoln Kennedy)
  81. u0093Whatu0092s the difference between a 3-week-old puppy and a sportswriter? In six weeks, the puppy stops whining.u0094 (Mike Ditka)
  82. u0093Whatu0092s that? Uh — playoffs? Donu0092t talk about — playoffs?! You kidding me?! Playoffs?! I just hope we can win a game!u0094 (former Saints and Colts coach Jim Mora)
  83. u0093The only yardstick for success our society has is being a champion. No one remembers anything else.u0094 (John Madden
  84. u0093Whatu0092s the toughest thing in a professional football game? Itu0092s being the mother of the quarterback — toughest thing.u0094 (John Madden)
  85. u0093I like linebackers. I collect u0091em. You canu0092t have too many good ones.u0094 (Bill Parcells)
  86. u0093Weu0092re not attempting to circumcise rules.u0094 (Bill Cowher)
  87. u0093Most of my clichu00e9s arenu0092t original.u0094 (Chuck Knox)
  88. u0093Iu0092m fairly confident that if I died tomorrow, Don would find a way to preserve me until the season was over and he had time for a nice funeral.u0094 (Dorothy Shula)
  89. u0093You guys line up alphabetically by height.u0094 (Bill Peterson, former Oilers head coach)
  90. u0093We canu0092t run. We canu0092t pass. We canu0092t stop the run. We canu0092t stop the pass. We canu0092t kick. Other than that, weu0092re just not a very good football team right now.u0094 (Former Bengals coach Bruce Coslet)
  91. u0093The road to Easy Street goes through the sewer.u0094 (John Madden)
  92. u0093Setting a goal is not the main thing. It is deciding how you will go about achieving it and staying with that plan.u0094 (Tom Landry)
  93. u0093Obviously, my last two years in the NFL were not much fun at all.u0094 (Steve Spurrier)
  94. u0093Men, I want you just thinking of one word all season. One word and one word only: Super Bowl.u0094 (former Oilers coach Bill Peterson)
  95. u0093The shoulder surgery was a success. The lobotomy failed.u0094 (Mike Ditka on Jim McMahonu0092s surgery)
  96. Vince Lombardi Quotes

  97. u0093Gentlemen, this is a football.u0094 (Vince Lombardi)
  98. u0093The dictionary is the only place where success comes before work.u0094 (Vince Lombardi)
  99. u0093Itu0092s not whether you get knocked down, itu0092s whether you get up.u0094 (Vince Lombardi)
  100. u0093We didnu0092t lose the game; we just ran out of time.u0094 (Vince Lombardi)
  101. u0093Obstacles are what you see when you take your eyes off the goal.u0094 (Vince Lombardi)
  102. u0093Confidence is contagious. So is lack of confidence.u0094 (Vince Lombardi)
  103. u0093If you arenu0092t fired with enthusiasm, you will be fired with enthusiasm.u0094 (Vince Lombardi)
  104. u0093Show me a good loser, and Iu0092ll show you a loser.u0094 (Vince Lombardi)
  105. u0093The spirit, the will to win, and the will to excel are the things that endure. These qualities are so much more important than the events that occur.u0094 (Vince Lombardi)
  106. u0093If winning isnu0092t everything, why do they keep score?u0094 (Vince Lombardi)
  107. u0093Winners never quit, and quitters never win.u0094 (Vince Lombardi)
  108. u0093Winning isnu0092t everything; it is the only thing.u0094 (Vince Lombardi)
  109. u0093In great attempts, it is glorious even to fail.u0094 (Vince Lombardi)

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