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101 NFL Quotes

Funny Football Quotes from the NFL

NFL players and coaches are never at a loss for memorable quotes. From the inspirational words of Vince Lombardi to the career-threatening tirades of Jim Mora, there�s never a dull moment in the National Football League.

Just check out this list of 101 fun quotes that I�ve assembled from throughout the history of the sport. It was fun putting together this list, just remembering some of these wacky one-liners. How many do you remember?

101 Football Quotes

We’ll start out with a list of all-around football quotes. I also have quotes listed under several different categories: dumb, tough, drunk, conceited, life, quarterbacks, coaches and Vince Lombardi.

I know the first quote probably belongs on the dumb list, but it was too good to bury down the page. Hope you enjoy the quote lists.

  1. Football Quotes - 101 NFL Football Quotes �Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.� (Joe Theismann)
  2. �I�ve been big ever since I was little.� (William �The Refrigerator� Perry)
  3. �I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first.� (Saints RB George Rogers)
  4. �There will always be hope for our country as long as more people watch Monday Night Football than Friends.� (Michael Logsdon)
  5. �I�d catch a punt naked, in the snow, in Buffalo, for a chance to play in the NFL.� (Steve Henderson)
  6. �He is the only man I ever saw who ran his own interference.� (Steve Owen on Bronko Nagurski)
  7. �The reason women don�t play football is because eleven of them would never wear the same outfit in public.� (Phyllis Diller)
  8. �I just wrap my arms around the whole backfield and peel�em one by one until I get to the ball carrier. Him, I keep.� (DT Big Daddy Lipscomb on his tackling technique)
  9. �Distance running to a professional athlete in my day was five laps around the field. And you stopped each lap to take your pulse.� (Lynn Swann)
  10. �I was the originator of smack. Some guys rattle with smack; with other guys it rolls right off their shoulders like nothing.� (Deacon Jones)
  11. �Most football players are temperamental. That�s 90 percent temper and 10 percent mental.� (Doug Plank, ex-Chicago Bears safety)
  12. �Rapport? You mean like, �You run as fast as you can, and I�ll throw it as far as I can?� (QB Jeff Kemp on his rapport with WR Jerry Rice)
  13. �Detroit�s so bad this year they might lose their bye week.� (Dennis Miller)
  14. �Ransom notes.� (Alex Karras, when asked what the most profitable type of writing was)
  15. �I always enjoy animal acts.� (President Calvin Coolidge when asked if he wanted to meet the Chicago Bears)
  16. �We�re as clean as any team. We wash our hands before we hit anybody.� (Nate Newton)
  17. �I�m a light eater. As soon as it�s light, I start to eat.� (Art Donovan)
  18. �You don�t have to win it; just don�t lose it.� (Linebacker Ray Lewis of the Ravens to quarterback Elvis Grbac)
  19. �I had pro offers from the Detroit Lions and Green Bay Packers, who were pretty hard up for linemen in those days. If I had gone into professional football the name Jerry Ford might have been a household word today.� (President Gerald Ford)
  20. Dumb Football Quotes

  21. �Tom Landry is such a perfectionist that if he were married to Dolly Parton, he�d ask her to cook.� (Don Meredith)
  22. �He couldn�t spell cat if you spotted him the C and the T.� (Cowboy�s linebacker Thomas �Hollywood� Henderson on Terry Bradshaw�s intellect)
  23. �I may be dumb, but I�m not stupid.� (Terry Bradshaw)
  24. �In Montana, they renamed a town after an all-time great, Joe Montana. Well, a town in Massachusetts changed their name to honor my guy Terry Bradshaw — Marblehead.� (Howie Long)
  25. �I never graduated college, but I was only there for two terms – Truman�s and Eisenhower�s.� (Alex Karras)
  26. �If defensive linemen�s IQs were 5 points lower, they�d be geraniums.� (Russ Francis)
  27. �People say I�ll be drafted in the first round, maybe even higher.� (Craig �Ironhead� Heyward)
  28. �The NFL, like life, is full of idiots.� (Randy Cross)
  29. Tough Football Quotes

  30. �My knees look like they lost a knife fight with a midget.� (E.J. Holub on his 12 knee operations)
  31. �You�re kind of numb after 50 shots to the head.� (Jim Harbaugh
  32. �I don�t know what he has. A pulled groin. A hip flexor. I don�t know. A pulled something. I never pulled anything. You can�t pull fat.� (Jets coach Bruce Coslet)
  33. �When you win, nothing hurts.� (Joe Namath)
  34. �Pro football is like nuclear warfare. There are no winners, only survivors.� (Frank Gifford)
  35. �What�s one more torpedo in a sinking ship?� (Packers QB Lynn Dickey on why he was preparing to play despite numerous major career injuries)
  36. �If my mother put on a helmet and shoulder pads and a uniform that wasn�t the same as the one I was wearing, I�d run her over if she was in my way. And I love my mother.� (Bo Jackson
  37. �American football makes Rugby look like a Tupperware party.� (Sue Lawley)
  38. �I like to believe that my best hits border on felonious assault.� (Jack Tatum)
  39. �If you�re mad at your kid, you can either raise him to be a nose tackle or send him out to play on the freeway. It�s about the same.� (Bob Golic)
  40. �Speed, strength and the inability to register pain immediately.� (WR Reggie Williams, on his greatest strength as a football player)
  41. �It is better to give a lick than receive one.� (Bo Jackson)
  42. �I wouldn�t ever set out to hurt anyone deliberately unless it was important – like a league game.� (Dick Butkus)
  43. �The Bears are so tough when they finish sacking the quarterback, they go after his family in the stands.� (Tim Wrightman)
  44. �I�d run over my own mother to win the Super Bowl.� (Joe Jacoby)
  45. �To win, I�d run over Joe�s mom, too.� (Matt Millen, about Joe Jacoby’s mother)
  46. Drunk Football Quotes

  47. �We didn�t have steroids. If I wanted to get pumped up, I drank a case of beer.� (Art Donovan)
  48. �When it�s third and ten, you can take the milk drinkers, and I�ll take the whiskey drinkers every time.� (Max McGee, former Packers receiver)
  49. �I wanna kiss you. I couldn�t care less about the team struggling. What we know is we can improve. Chad Pennington, our quarterback, missed the first part of the season, and we struggled. We�re looking to next season. We�re looking to make a noise now, and�I wanna kiss you!� (Joe Namath to ESPN reporter Suzy Kolber)
  50. Conceited Football Quotes

  51. �I feel like I�m the best, but you�re not going to get me to say that.� (Jerry Rice)
  52. �A good back makes his own holes. Anybody can run where the holes are.� (RB Joe Don Looney on his refusal to report to training camp and learn plays)
  53. �I love me some me.� (Terrell Owens)
  54. Football Quotes for Life

  55. �Baseball is what we were. Football is what we have become.� (Mary McGrory)
  56. �Maybe a good rule in life is never become too important to do your own laundry.� (Barry Sanders)
  57. �The only thing I got out of football was the ability to work hard, and that�s it.� (Gale Sayers)
  58. �If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.� (Erma Bombeck)
  59. �I learned that if you want to make it bad enough, no matter how bad it is, you can make it.� (Gale Sayers)
  60. Quarterback Quotes

  61. �What�s the worst thing that can happen to a quarterback? He loses his confidence.� (Terry Bradshaw)
  62. �Confidence is a very fragile thing.� (Joe Montana)
  63. �Confidence doesn�t come out of nowhere. It�s a result of something�hours and days and weeks and years of constant work and dedication.� (Roger Staubach)
  64. �There is no defense against a perfect pass. I can throw the perfect pass.� (Dan Marino)
  65. �I don�t know whether I prefer Astroturf to grass. I never smoked Astroturf.� (Joe Namath)
  66. �In the long run, the cream always rises and the crap always sinks.� (John Elway)
  67. �I normally run the 40-yard dash in 4.9, but when a 280-pound guy is chasing me, I run it in 4.6.� (John Elway)
  68. �Now that I�m retired, I want to say that all defensive linemen are sissies.� (Dan Fouts)
  69. �Sure, the home-field is an advantage — but so is having a lot of talent.� (Dan Marino)
  70. �I�ve got news for you. We�re gonna win the game. I guarantee it.� (Joe Namath predicting a Super Bowl III victory)
  71. �It might have been the hardest hit I took all day.� (Drew Brees after a Raiders fan hit him with a water bottle)
  72. Football Coaches Quotes

  73. �If you�re a pro coach, NFL stands for �Not for long.�� (Jerry Glanville)
  74. �Well, what happened was, that second game, we got our asses kicked. In the second half, we just got our asses totally kicked. We couldn�t do diddley poo offensively, we couldn�t make a first down, we couldn�t run the ball, we didn�t try to run the ball, we couldn�t complete a pass – we sucked. The second half, we sucked. We couldn’t stop the run. Every time they got the ball, they went down and got points. We got our asses totally kicked in the second half – that’s what it boiled down to. It was a horseshit performance in the second half. Horseshit. I�m totally embarrassed and totally ashamed. Coaching did a horrible job. The players did a horrible job. We got our asses kicked in that second half. It sucked. It stunk.� (Jim Mora in one of the all-time classic post-game rants)
  75. �It�s a good idea. I�m in favor of it.� (Buccaneer�s coach John McKay, following a loss, when asked about his team�s execution)
  76. �Sure, luck means a lot in football. Not having a good quarterback is bad luck.� (Don Shula describing an opposing team)
  77. �If I drop dead tomorrow, at least I�ll know I died in good health.� (Bum Phillips)
  78. �If I didn�t enjoy gloating so much, I wouldn�t do so many interviews.� (Jimmy Johnson)
  79. �I�m going to sent the injured reserve players out for the toss next time.� (Colts coach Mike McCormack after a player pulled a hamstring while running out for the coin toss)
  80. �He can be a great player in this league if he learns how to say two words: �I�m full.�� (Jerry Glanville talking about 300-pound Lincoln Kennedy)
  81. �What�s the difference between a 3-week-old puppy and a sportswriter? In six weeks, the puppy stops whining.� (Mike Ditka)
  82. �What�s that? Uh — playoffs? Don�t talk about — playoffs?! You kidding me?! Playoffs?! I just hope we can win a game!� (former Saints and Colts coach Jim Mora)
  83. �The only yardstick for success our society has is being a champion. No one remembers anything else.� (John Madden
  84. �What�s the toughest thing in a professional football game? It�s being the mother of the quarterback — toughest thing.� (John Madden)
  85. �I like linebackers. I collect �em. You can�t have too many good ones.� (Bill Parcells)
  86. �We�re not attempting to circumcise rules.� (Bill Cowher)
  87. �Most of my clich�s aren�t original.� (Chuck Knox)
  88. �I�m fairly confident that if I died tomorrow, Don would find a way to preserve me until the season was over and he had time for a nice funeral.� (Dorothy Shula)
  89. �You guys line up alphabetically by height.� (Bill Peterson, former Oilers head coach)
  90. �We can�t run. We can�t pass. We can�t stop the run. We can�t stop the pass. We can�t kick. Other than that, we�re just not a very good football team right now.� (Former Bengals coach Bruce Coslet)
  91. �The road to Easy Street goes through the sewer.� (John Madden)
  92. �Setting a goal is not the main thing. It is deciding how you will go about achieving it and staying with that plan.� (Tom Landry)
  93. �Obviously, my last two years in the NFL were not much fun at all.� (Steve Spurrier)
  94. �Men, I want you just thinking of one word all season. One word and one word only: Super Bowl.� (former Oilers coach Bill Peterson)
  95. �The shoulder surgery was a success. The lobotomy failed.� (Mike Ditka on Jim McMahon�s surgery)
  96. Vince Lombardi Quotes

  97. �Gentlemen, this is a football.� (Vince Lombardi)
  98. �The dictionary is the only place where success comes before work.� (Vince Lombardi)
  99. �It�s not whether you get knocked down, it�s whether you get up.� (Vince Lombardi)
  100. �We didn�t lose the game; we just ran out of time.� (Vince Lombardi)
  101. �Obstacles are what you see when you take your eyes off the goal.� (Vince Lombardi)
  102. �Confidence is contagious. So is lack of confidence.� (Vince Lombardi)
  103. �If you aren�t fired with enthusiasm, you will be fired with enthusiasm.� (Vince Lombardi)
  104. �Show me a good loser, and I�ll show you a loser.� (Vince Lombardi)
  105. �The spirit, the will to win, and the will to excel are the things that endure. These qualities are so much more important than the events that occur.� (Vince Lombardi)
  106. �If winning isn�t everything, why do they keep score?� (Vince Lombardi)
  107. �Winners never quit, and quitters never win.� (Vince Lombardi)
  108. �Winning isn�t everything; it is the only thing.� (Vince Lombardi)
  109. �In great attempts, it is glorious even to fail.� (Vince Lombardi)

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